Dear Diary,.
Im stuck in confusion all over again. He still loves me but i have no idea if i love him. His blog says it all. Maybe im just afraid to be in love, maybe im afraid that someone loves me. I dont know. I feel cold & icy. Not knowing what to do. I dont want him to wait but i also want him to wait. Half of me says i still love him but the other half says another different story. What shall i ever do?
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Maybe he and i are better off friends. Maybe not. No one but myself could only help me from this situation. To accept or not to accept. Im afraid if i accept, it might jeopardise my studies and im also afraid that he might get jealous easily. Thats what im afraid of. And im also afraid of heart break. It might jeopardise our friendship as well. So many risks need to be taken. Im not sure if i can handle them risks.
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Maybe i should let faith decide. If we were meant to be, faith will bring us together. If not, its best we stay friends than not at all. Moreover, there wont be much freedom for me when im in a relationship. I'll be like chain to a dog collar or something.Im so confuse & lost. Yes, he is fun to talk to and to be with, but im just not sure if he's the one. Thats why sometimes i prefer to like and not to be liked, if you get what i mean. Its easier that way. Rather than to be in a situation like this where you know the person likes you as that certain person has already confess to you.
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I just prefer to be single at times. Like to do whatever you like or wish. To be free. Sometimes i feel like i wanna be single for the rest of my life. Only having my gurlfriends, no one else besides my family of course. But i know that one day, for sure i'll find someone. Still, that doesnt solve my problem now. Let faith decide it is. I give it all to God to decide. Till then.
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Always love,
unidentified
