Breakdown

Dear Diary,

The truth revealed itself last Thurday. Devastating news. Disappointing results. Got screwed by mum hard. Thought i could have done better. Maybe i didnt give in my best. Got myself grounded. Just wished i had done better. No one said i didnt try. I did try my very best! Was nervous when i went to take my resutls. Just another disappointment.

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I screw up big time but no fails of course. If there is a fail, my head will already be chopped off. When school reopens, no internet for me. Mum makes the rules, not me. Devastated. How could i possibly live without internet or friends? Sad isnt it? Gotta work harder starting from next year onwards. (right..thats what i always say)

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New year's eve. Spending New year's eve alone, at home. Whereas, all my other friends are spending New year's eve together. Nothing to be shocked of. Almost all the guys i know got straight A's. Some got 6 A's 1B. Still its already good enough. Im practically the lousy loser among them all.

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I'll try looking forward for a change. Thanks C for the comforting conversation. Really helped me alot. =)

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Always love,

unidentified

Christmas 2007

Dear Diary,
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.....Had a wonderful Christmas this year. Had a Christmas bbq party with my family on christmas eve & went out with my friends on christmas day which was yesterday. I had tons of fun this year. We exchanged presents & a few people bought me presents. As guilty as i am. I had been a great year so far. Been out alot this year, the most! Other years back, i would only go out at least 10 times with my friends in a year. How sad is that? Well, at least this year, i went out more often.

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This year is the best so far. Heart my friends. You guys are always the best! We shared numerous memories together & the year has finally come to an end. Well, not yet, but soon. Its a shame that it all had to end so soon. If only this year could just repeat itself over & over though this year was the most stressful & difficult year. We've gone through PMR, the stress & also the arguements & fight that interupted our friendship. But we made it through it all didnt we? Friends do fight once in awhile, thats why its called friends. True friends do fight once in awhile unlike fake friends who doesnt fight at all. Thats not what i call a friend.

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I'll always cherish this year. A very special year. Next year, everything will be different. More different that you think. Though we're friends & probably are gonna stay that way till graduation or till the end of our lives. Still, it'll probably be difficult for me as i'm gonna be separated from my friends. At least my girlfriends. I'm gonna miss them much! All of my friends are taking Science, while i'm the only one taking up Arts. I'm gonna be with different people, people i dont really know & im afraid that we'll all be busy with form 4 & wouldnt have the time to hang out or just chill & chat.

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As they are taking up Science, they have Chemistry, Physics & so on. That means that they'll be busy with tuitions almost everyday & also with school activities. I'll be the only one free most of the time & they wouldnt have the time to even talk. Its sad to see that happen. I'm afraid of the future. I dont wanna go forward, just backwards. Impossible? I know. I'm sure i'll be lonely the moment school starts. No friends by my side, no one to talk to, no one to joke with. Sounds tragic doesnt it? What would i ever do without friends? I dont know & i dont wanna find out.

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Hopefully, it wouldnt be as bad as i thought i would be. Hopefully, its the opposite from what i think. Hopefully, next year would be better than this year. Pray, thats what i'll do. If things dont turn out smoothly, i would still have God at least. I know Christmas just passed but i would like to make a wish if i could. Just one last one. Only one. Christmas wishes do come true dont they? Not all the time but at least there is still a slight chance. Thats good enough for me. A little faith wont hurt. Wishes.

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Always love,

unidentified

Last Vacation of the Year

Dear Diary,

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.....Well, im back from Penang. Came back last Saturday evening. It was pretty fun and my dad's friend's son looks pretty hot. winks. Though he dont speak much but he do smile alot. He would only speak to his mum or dad. The food there was amazing of course. Got to eat alot.

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But one thing was that the beach at my Hotel sucks! Such a small area considered as a beach and the sand feel so fake! I would still prefer PD's beach. Not the public PD beach of course, those are filty. I meant the private beaches there. Its clean, soft & REAL! I miss PD loads. It was simply the best trip of the year. At where i was staying at PD, no matter how hot the wheather is, when you take a stroll at the beach, it is always windy unlike the beach i went at Penang.

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The place i went at PD, there was this 'pondok' i love so very much. Its my favourite place there. It's located near the beach but up. When im free, i would just sit there & enjoy the view, the sound & the wind. Three of God's best creation. Even siting there on a hot sunny day, you can never feel the heat. I could even sleep there if i wanted to. Simply one of the best feelings ever. What's best than be close with nature right?

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Anyways, Penang was amazing. Went to this Toy Museum. Pretty cool. Saw loads of limited edition stuff. Even saw Chucky there. *shivers*. Went to Queensbay too. But didnt spent much time shopping though. Penang was scorching hot! Been burning myself there. think i got darker due to the sun.

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Btw, its Christmas tomorrow!! MERRY CHRISTMAS (EVE)!! Having a party tonight. bbq style. At my cousin's place. So, it should be fun. New year is coming too as well. So as Chinese New Year. You know what that means?? shopping!! Yes, shopping for new clothes. So far, i've only got 2 shirts & 2 skirts. So, its 2 pairs of clothes. Havent gotten any pants yet. Im dying to shop for more!

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Oh, and to those pmr students waiting for their results this thurday. Good luck & all the best. Make sure you guys out there enjoy & celebrate this christmas to the maxx, while you still can. By results day, i'll be digging my own grave. Yes, i too am a pmr kid waiting to get my results but not eagerly of course. Guess thats all for now.

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Always love,

unidentified

Confessions

Dear Diary,
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.....Omggosshh! He just told me that he loves me. My heart was beating so fast. Beats of confusion. At the same time scared. Now i just wish that i could be single for life! I just dont know what to do now.
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.....But anyhow, as i am uncertain & unready, i told him the truth. I am not ready & we should take things slowly. I was in fact shaking. This wouldn't be the first time of course. I still remember my first time & how terrified i was. I, in fact never had a bf before but i had people confessing to me & i just dont wanna break anymore hearts. It scares me everytime that happens.
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.....Faith will always lead me to the right path. I just know it. I'll leave everything to faith & in the good hands of God. Let faith decide. If he is loyal & the one for me, he will wait for me & always be paitent. Just couldnt believe what just happened. Anyways, i dont wanna think about it any further. I mean, thats what the Penang trip was for right. To relax & to get away from everything i am going through.
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......I just wanna enjoy myself at Penang. Will be meeting new people & from Penang. My dad's friend & his kids. It should be fun shouldnt it? Just hope they're english educated. Just wanna relax at the beach. Feel the sand as well as the sea water as it runs over my feet & toes. Eagerly waiting for that day to come & that day is today. Now i just gotta wait till 3.*tick tock* Times' running out. Yeash, finally. Goodbye diary, unfortunately,i cant bring you along. Will be back on Saturday to tell you the details kays?
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Always love,
unidentified

Random Stuff

Dear Diary,
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.....Today was pretty much a random day. Nothing out of the ordinary as i live my life as usual. Just pretty bored. I'm dying to watch Sweeney Todd! Simply the best!! There's another new movie coming out soon. Its based on a book which is kinda popular, especially to us teenagers. Its called, 'P/s: I Love You'. I saw it several times in book stores & also in my friend's hands. I hadn't gotten the chance to read it yet though. But by the look of the popularity of it, supposingly, it should be nice, shouldn't it??

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.....Btw, I'm off to Penang by Thurday morning, at 3AM!!! Gosshh, thats early. Thanks to DAD! Oh well, i'm not gonna sleep anyways. I'll just surf the net till its 3 & straight go into the car & sleep. *zzzzz*. Sleep is gooodd..

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.....Nothing much anyways. Here i am, sitting down in front of the comp, drinking orange juice & at the same time typing of course. Having a conversation with R. Now i'm just eagerly waiting to go to Penang. Wanna feel the sand on my toes, feel the cool breeze hit my face & hear the forever calming sound of the seas/waves. Sounds like paradise to me. Just love the beach! Well, unless the sand's been corrupted with craps of course, then i'll make an exception not to go to the beach. The craps just gotta stay away from my path & SIGHT!

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.....Don't get me wrong. I love craps. I do. I love eating them BUT i hate them alive! *goosebumps*. Back to my paradise. Got nothing more to say. Guess i've said it all. Dreaming my way to paradise.

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Always love,

unidentified

Little Miss Envy

Dear Diary,

......Yesterday, i had the most amazing day ever. Well, sure i went out with my friends & we hung out. But what's bothering me now is that....i think i still have a little feelings left for him. Well, we hung out as usual but somehow, i was feeling a little jealous. You see, there's this other girl. Yeah, thats when it all started. There was a little green monster behind my back already. But i promise myself that i wont, will never fall for him again. Sure, its better to stay friends. Its better that way. Better for me, better for him.

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......I cant hide that sadness in my face. Even L realizes it. But of cuz she didnt say anything. But the other side of me was happy for him as well. Sometimes, he could be really charming but at times, i dont really like him for his attitude. Looking at him so happy & interested in another girl just made me kinda sad but also happy for him at the same time. Maybe its just something i couldnt give him. He will sometimes tell me secrets about who he likes & i would really try to sound interested & happy. Sometimes, he would even ask me for tips & i had no choice but to give it to him. I dont wanna see him sad & depressed.

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......I would think it best to just let it be. I mean, that's just what i do. Leaving & leting every feeling i had on someone special to me when i know that there's no chance or hope. But now that i think about it, he isnt really my type at all. Yeah, sure he makes me laugh but his other attitude gotta go. Guess i'm officially single in a sense that im not liking anyone at the moment single. Guess i'll just have to wait for my Mr. Perfect? Well, i'm still in high school afterall & who knows when i'll meet him?

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......I'll just hope for the unexpected. Well, love is never expected, it might just come without realizing. I'll keep on waiting till my time comes.

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Always love,

unidentified

unidentified break-in

Woow! Since when i start having a computer diary. Wait, thats just wrong. I meant an online diary. Now, that sounds better. Well, this is my first time having an online diary. So, i dont know how it'll turn out but its worth a shot right?

Before i start my diary, some might ask, who is this girl?
Where is she from & so on.
Well, thats just one secret i'll never tell.
Dont you know that secrets are meant to be kept & not exposed?
Its called a secret for a reason you know.
Anyhow, feel free to drop in comments & such if you want to.
Its just a personal diary & of cuz i wont write in too much detail.
So, it doesnt really matter if some stranger reads this.
Its just a easier way for me as im completely lazy to write & pen down.
Its so much easier typing everything down.
Everythings a secret, so seal your lips will ya?

Always love,
unidentified